friends.....

There are people in this world who will lie to you, there are people in this world who will steal from you,and there are people in this world who will harm you. 


I sometimes wish that I had some sort of device that could tell me, when I first meet someone, whether there are any of the three above. It seems so hard, at least for me, to make solid trusting relationships.  I have a few, very few rock solid friends who would do almost anything for me.  Why is it so hard to make lasting friendships. Is it me or does it always seem that we acquire what I like to call "environmental" friends. These are the people we see everyday or week, through work or the gym or the neighborhood. People you think you can trust and have faith in.  But more often than not they end up being one of two things: 1. a huge disappointment and thus a waste of time or 2. they disappear the second you leave that environment. My favorite is when we exchange the "we will still talk" or " let's keep in touch " lines.  


I know in one of my previous blogs I said that I didn't want the movie fantasy but, laugh if you must, every time I watch friends or sex and the city I can't help but wish that I had a tight circle of gal pals so close. And that we would not only see each other throughout the week, schedules allowing, but to always have one day a week where we would get together and dish over brunch, no matter how chaotic our lives are. I want that tight circle, one that keeps no secrets from each other, one that can have a fight and still stick together.  


I just feel a little isolated. Partly is my fault, once I can tell someone will never be lasting friendship material I kind of write them off. Occasionally, we hang but nothing special. Maybe I'm just lonely. No no maybe I am lonely. 


For some reason I feel almost embarrassed to admit that, like its some horrible skeleton in the closet. I even came close to deleting this post but, F*** it. I'm lonely, it's an emotion that everyone feels at some point. Even when standing in a crowded room full of friends and family. 


I guess I just feel like a wanderer. My family ties will never be ideal bc I will never measure up to standards that I had no say in setting up. I feel as though they see me as some fly in the room just buzzing around being shooed away or attacking me with some verbal sam fly swatter. 


Im guessing thats why long term, lasting friendships are so important to me. I just wish I had more of them. And I def wish that those select few would make time for me. call me for a change, invite me over, ask me to go out when you do. 


the thing is people change, their lives change, and their priorities change too. this is understandable but still keeps me feeling a little left out